to hold her
by youquitesuckish
Summary: he wasn't the first to hold her, but he certainly would want to be the last one. high school!au. [based on the song 'to hold amber']
1. 01

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

i.

' _God damnit.'_  
A soft muffle rough against the surface of the pillow.  
Brown waves move to check the illuminated clock  
it is currently 3:45 am.

The earth was surprisingly still alive of a night  
from the sounds of car doors shutting hard from residences of late night shifts  
to the simple tunes of an old fifties record from next door.  
But that had all quickly deceased once he woke up restless.

Currently,  
it was just his own room that was alive.

From the strings of fairy lights,  
hung across the room in an orderly fashion  
to the piles of unnoticeable school items  
and clothes that cannot be recognised.

Then the smaller things took notice;  
like the small droplets of rain on the window  
to the marathon of 80's romantic comedy movies on his TV set  
on the lowest volume possible  
and finally to the light pink curls settled on his shoulder,  
her face covered ever so precisely.

There was something about her  
something that was unlike any person that he managed to be attracted to.  
He not only loved her and admired her intensely  
but adored her immensely.

Her face slowly shifted to face his,  
eyes blinking ever slowly to her own rhythm.  
She let's a hand fall onto his cheek.  
 _'Go back to sleep.'_

With a slight tug to his sleeve to pull him down  
to hold her close.  
A slight whisper of gentle compliments.

' _I love you.'_ He let's out.

' _I know.'_


	2. 02

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

ii.

There were moments that he would often wish to keep for himself  
but the ones that he tries so hard to keep  
often prove to be a challenge.

' _Mate I never thought I would be attracted to a train conductor.'  
_ his friends were interesting in more ways than what he would liked  
and although he often fears that their behaviours could get himself into deeper issues  
she didn't mind.

Her smile was infectious, and she would be used to the playful nature of the others  
even if he wasn't so sure it was playful to him.  
 _'Well choo choo to that then._ ' She teased,  
hands signally various motions.  
A roar of laughter coming from the group puts his mind slightly at ease.

But it was his arms protective around her waist,  
hands interlocked at her side  
and the adjustment of the hat to not fall  
that kept him steady to know that she isn't going anywhere.

' _Well I would take a ride of her train any day.'_ He teased right back.  
Her face now settling into a light pink on his shoulder,  
completely matching her hair.

' _Of course you fucking would.'_ One spoke up before giving him a nudge.

A roll of his eyes before he nudged back,  
the stunned girl still latched against him.

Their eyes meet gently  
a soft smile to signal  
as if this moment was finally one to keep for them only.


	3. 03

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

iii.

Throughout his years of knowing them,  
he knew when the group's personalities would often clash  
like a tidal wave onto a beach during rough weather  
or even like an instant car crash.

It would often cause a shift in their views  
often resulting in moments such as these.

' _He's just so fucking stupid you know? Trusting that fucking bastard.'_ He would groan,  
grass stains all over the once cleaned uniform and smoke from a lit cigarette in his fingers  
while a quick pace gathered his thoughts  
as she looked at him with emulsion.  
 _'I mean he's so fucking off his rocker, mate.'_

It had been a bleak day thus far,  
the sky covered by a single grey undertone. Yet no rain was to be found.

' _But you don't need to get mad over that, Andrew.'_  
She would comfort him always when it was this harsh  
but now with her thumb against the dimple of his chin to lightly stroke  
he couldn't stop to calm this time around.

' _Of course, I need to be fucking pissed off over this, Courtney.'_ He shouted.  
Her hand swiftly moved away but now placed to the back of his neck.  
A gentle sigh of reassurance.  
 _'Like he's constantly all "well done mate, proud of ya" and I know that he's doing me dirty.'_  
He pulls her close into his chest,  
letting out a slight breath that was mixed with uncontrollable amount of pent up anger.  
 _'Just don't get it ya know?_ ' His Yorkshire accent now heavy  
his fingers dropped the cigarette onto the pavement with ease.

Her hand now moves to press the semi slicked style back  
it was always done with some form of care and tenderness  
like nursing a wound.

' _You know, they aren't the best people to be surrounding your heart with,'_ she begun  
her hands gently adjusting his ruffled clothing.  
 _'I know._ ' He interrupted her before kissing her lips gently. _'Guess my heart wants to be around you.'_

' _Shut up.'_  
A soft chuckle came from the pair before intertwining in each other's presence.

The rain soon around them in a fantasy cliché.


	4. 04

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

iv.

In all their years of dating he hasn't seen her cry,  
not even when her grandmother passed  
or when she forgot her keys in her car.  
Not once has she shed any tears for him to see.

Until now.  
When they are sat outside of the Head's board room  
a crumpled-up pamphlet for the new LGBT based support group  
placed into her shaking hands  
while another, although filled with the same amount of emotion  
was placed into his.

' _It's okay, take it easy mate.'_ He whispered,  
his free fingers carefully gathering up an eyelash that had fallen.  
A slight cough came from his mouth.  
 _'Think I just swallowed it.'_

A small chuckle came from the pink curls,  
red eyes rimmed with racoon like outlining.  
 _'A little piece of me in you.'_


	5. 05 (part 01 of 03)

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

v. ( i of iii )

To see her back to blonde is one thing he never thought would happen again  
he was always used to seeing her messed up pink that he wouldn't fall for anything else  
but when she came down so elegantly in a floor length gown  
hair flowing perfectly  
with a face so done up to the nines  
his heart skipped a beat  
way too cliché for his liking but he did not care at this moment.

His eyes grazed to her hand as he took it  
a small peck onto her knuckles.  
 _'M'lady.'_

A chuckle laid on both of their lips  
her eyes rolled at the previous words spoken.  
 _'M'lady my ass, mate.'_ She muttered before linking their arms together.  
 _'Now are you going to win this awards shit or not?'_  
Oh right, his football awards.

It seems like each sport always had an awards or celebration night  
and although he wasn't into awards, or seeing anyone on the team,  
he had been convinced to go not only by his family but also by her.  
He would much prefer staying at home  
talking to her about everything on his mind.

' _You know I won't win anything right?'_ He said with a sombre tone  
but he knew that was the truth.

She grabbed onto his chin,  
an aggression of some kind.  
 _'I know you will, trust me.'_  
She kissed his cheek lightly,  
 _'You deserve everything.'_


	6. 05 (part 02 of 03)

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

v. ( ii of iii )

Out of the pairing,  
she would be the social one of the two  
always talking about not only herself but him and his achievements.  
Like a proud wife would be.

But when it came down to settling back into their seats,  
her body sunk into his side honestly instantly.  
Whether for comfort sake or protection,  
he felt a sense of relief when she was there  
knowing that he had a stronger part of him that couldn't be hid by arrogance  
or his annoying ego.

' _Are you lads ready for the awards?'_  
the tables started to shake with thunderous movements from the other players  
some from his own team while others were from rival teams across the place.  
He just kept his hand onto her knee, a slight squeeze.  
Before taking the champagne flute and chugging it quickly.

He never knew awards to drag on forever,  
whether it was due to him always recording the Tony's and skipping the ads for Courtney's sake  
or rather just that he never really paid attention to these kinds of things.  
Who knew goalies could have five categories?

But when it came to the last awards of the night  
and his head was currently resting against Courtney's shoulder  
it wasn't until a nudge stirred him awake.  
 _'I think you're up for this one.'_ She whispered.  
He didn't believe her until, _'Andrew from Cross Academy, Captain and Main Field.'_

 _Well shit, he was nominated._


	7. 05 (part 03 of 03)

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

v. ( iii of iii )

 _Well shit,  
he won something._  
and for the first time in his life he felt like he achieved more with this award  
than with anything else.

But the night around the group he was with  
was much too young than what he would be.  
Their drinks in their hands,  
bodies mushed against each other singing football chants  
but the only person he could really be caring about more  
is the one behind the pack.  
Jackets in her arms and a smile that gleamed like the stars that are out tonight.

' _I told you, didn't I?'_ She teased him,  
her lips meeting his chin.

' _Thank you, Court.'_ He began  
 _'for believing in my shit.'_

' _You know I always will.'_


	8. 06

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

vi.

The different between living at boarding  
and living at home  
was the simple fact that one had relatives while the other did not.  
But he couldn't imagine himself away from his family  
and now with them adding Courtney to stay for a while,  
he did not want to leave at all.

With that in his mind,  
he knew that Courtney's birthday was coming up sooner than he thought.  
and he knew that on that date it would be there anniversary also.  
 _'Fuck, fuck, shit cunt.'_ He murmured to himself as he ran into his mother.  
 _'Language, 'Drew.'_ She commented back,  
a sour look pursed onto his face.  
 _'Is this about Courtney's birthday this week?'_ She asked her carefully,  
adjusting his blazer tightly. _'You know we are having a party for it and you're helping.'_

Shit, he totally forgot under his drama of gifts.

' _Right.'_ He said,  
looked in a right panic at this time.  
He never thought about gifts for Courtney,  
she never really cared about them.  
But this time, it must be different.  
'What's an ideal gift for a girl? Like tampons?' He questioned.

Tampons? Fuck, what the fuck was he thinking?

' _You don't get a girl tampons, honey.'_ She expressed,  
her eyes drawing towards her own jewellery.  
 _'Get her like a bracelet or something or ask her friends.'_

 _Ask Courtney's friends._


	9. 07

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

vii.

There was always an outsider perception on the pair;  
how they were when they are together,  
how they behaved and how they looked.  
But even when they first started to know one another that perception always remained the same.

Especially when her friend's dived into the mix.

He didn't have many issues with all of them there,  
although they did scare him at times  
he's brave enough to talk to them.

' _I never thought Court would get with someone who is as strong as you.'_ One flirted with ease.  
Adore, although the more edgier side of the group  
was more straight forward with her flirtation than Courtney would ever be.  
 _'Always thought that she would have gotten with one of those guys who was Head Boy.'_ Another sparked up. Alaska. Very opinionated but was the co-Head Girl of their year with Courtney,  
so it made sense.  
 _'Or at least blew one of the Head Boys.'_ And that was Willa. She couldn't give a shit.  
She was just the one who would fight anybody the chance they get to.

He let himself roll his eyes at the group,  
 _'I just need help for a gift for her birthday. Why can't you guys help?'_

' _Now Andrew,'_ one of them spoke, a growl in tone.  
Ah, Bianca. The leader of their group and the protector of Courtney ever since they met.  
She took him to one side, handing him over a fifty.  
 _'She likes stationary, candles and occasional dark chocolate.'_ A pat on his shoulder.  
He looked back in confusion, eyebrow raised.  
Bianca let out a sigh, _'you can't trust the others on this shit. Trust me.'_

Right.


	10. 08

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

viii.

A soy wax candle flavoured with tropical fruits,  
 _check._  
A collection of different dark chocolate bars, cooled,  
 _check._  
A collection of personalised stationary,  
 _check.  
_ Now onto the wrapping.

' _Andrew? Can I come in?'_  
Shit Courtney's home from her meeting already?  
He knew that those Head captain meetings usually took all of the afternoon,  
yet she's back by four pm?

' _Hold on, dude.'_ He shouted to the door  
he scuffled the items into his school bag  
(while also being careful not to scratch anything)  
 _'Come in!'_

He noticed instantly that she was exhausted,  
eyes heavy,  
shoulder slumped  
and the makeup that was place ever so perfectly in the morning,  
was now faded and rubbed in certain areas.

She fell onto his lap instantly.  
 _'Fuck.'_ A heavy sigh.  
His hands wondering seamlessly to her shoulder to stroke fondly.

' _Rough meeting?'_ he expressed in questioning.

She let on a smile, _'guess you can say that.'_


	11. 09

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

xi.

Today was it.  
Not only did it mark their second anniversary together  
but the first ever birthday he got to spend with her.  
And he couldn't be happier to just spend it in bed,  
but of course they both must be social.  
He pressed a kiss to her neck.

 _'Quit it.'_ She muttered.  
He shook her shoulders carefully, _'get up birthday princess.'_  
She just cuddled into him.  
His arms gracious taking her.

 _'Thought you said you didn't like cuddliness.'_ She teased.  
He let himself roll his eyes.  
 _'Only when I want to sleep, dummy.'_


	12. 10 (part 01 of 02)

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

x. ( i of ii )

Oh god. _People._  
Although he knew most people here,  
from his football close mates  
to Courtney's Head Boy and Girl friends  
and finally to her small group of close friends  
the ones showering her with praises over her outfit.  
He just wasn't the social butterfly type.  
He kept who he wanted close to him.

' _Mate?'_ a voice piped up beside him,  
he let out a slight breath, _'chill. She's all right.'_

He was right, he shouldn't so worried over her.  
But he wanted this day to go perfectly.  
All for _her_.

He walked over through the crowds of people,  
occasional hello's and how are you's in his presence  
but once he made it over to her.

' _Holy shit Courtney.'_  
He was star struck.  
By his own god damn girlfriend.

' _I know, we made her go from wow to bam!'_ Adore commented,  
Courtney then walking over to him.  
 _'I don't think you needed to impress me even more, mate.'_ He teased to her.  
A soft kiss placed onto her lips.

' _Well you easily get impressed with me in any way.'_ She pressed on,  
their hands connected fondly.

' _No denying that at all.'_


	13. 10 (part 02 of 02)

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

x. ( ii of ii )

When it came down to any situation  
whether something huge like a birthday gathering,  
or something small like a family dinner  
they both would always come to the gardens of his family home  
just to confided in each other's company.

The stars were clearer tonight than any other  
all visible with a small glow.  
And they were sat in a small gazebo,  
with a bench that they claimed as their own.

' _Are you enjoying yourself?'_ he asked her,  
her head rested perfectly on his lap  
his hand stroking her hair ever so lightly as to not ruin what the others have created.

' _I mean, kind of.'_ Her head moved from his lap for her to sit up straight.  
He noticed her mouth moving slightly before she responded with, _'yeah. I am.'_

He raised an eyebrow.  
 _'No, no it's nothing about this party, you did amazing.'_ She expressed, holding his hand.  
He let out a small nod before she continued,  
hand gripped onto hers while he placed a newly rolled cigarette in his mouth.  
'It's just, I got accept into my University choice in California and I just now realised that I won't be able to see you again.'

He looked at her face,  
a frown upon her features.  
This is probably the second time that he's seen her in this way  
and yet,  
yet he feels like it's always the first.

He pulls her in close.  
 _'I'll find a way to sort things out. We will find a way.'_ He answered.

' _Promise?'_ she asked.

' _With all of my heart.'_


	14. 11

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

xi.

It'll be six months until she leaves,  
Two months until they graduate  
and the bundles of exam revision has already kicked in.  
Countless sheets upon sheets of revision  
scattered across the long table.

He was glad that he could study during one of Courtney's Head meetings  
but also, he was annoyed about the amount of bullshit they spill.  
He knew the Heads mean well but they are worse off than his Debate Team.

' _Well I just think you aren't being reasonable with the Head Mistress, Courtney._ ' A blonde girl spoke up,  
bubbly, yet, he knew that there was something off about her.  
 _'I mean while it's a good idea and all, she has her own values and we should respect them.'_  
He noticed instantly the sour looks on Courtney's face  
quickly replaced with a frown.  
 _'Yes, while that is true, calling the support group a quote, unquote "place for the abnormal" isn't exactly a people pleaser, Ashley.'_ She snarled as she dropped down to her seat.

He knew he should speak up about this,  
but would this ruin anything for him?  
Well, he could try.

' _But you gotta underst –.'_ another began before he let out a cough  
 _'Um, can I say something?'_ he asked in a questioning tone.  
She looked over and gave a small nod.  
He stood with ease.

' _The Head Mistress is a cunt, an old lady but still a cunt.'_ He started.  
 _'And besides, shouldn't the responsibility of the school to provide a safe space for all students?'_  
He expressed before sitting back down.  
The room filled with silence.  
Courtney mouth turned into a smile.

' _He does have a point.'_ One of the other girl's spoke  
the rest of the room nodding in agreement.  
 _'Although next time, Andrew, please don't use that word.'_

' _Sir yes sir, Mal.'_ He saluted to them.


	15. 12

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

xii.

Four Months until Courtney is gone  
and four weeks until they both graduate.

' _Finally.'_ She felt relieved.  
The newly furnished support group room completely spotless  
and the look of pride could not be wiped off.  
He pulled her in for a kiss.

' _You finally achieved it, huh?_ ' he asked her,  
noticing now that their blazers match with a similar badge;  
one that could represent what not only the progress they made on the school  
but also that represents the achievement that Courtney has.

' _Not without you saying that the Head Mistress was a cunt not only to the Head council.'_ She chuckled.  
 _'But also to the entire school, I may add.'_ He teased.

' _Which I did not recommend you saying, you fucker.'_  
He rolled his eyes before picking her up,  
a gasp from her mouth.  
 _'But you gotta admit it was pretty hilarious.'_ He let them both fall onto the bean bag,  
arms around each other and each other out of breath.

' _Guess it was.'_

The next thing he knew from that moment,  
after a small linger kiss  
was piles of piles of pillows placed on top of him.

So much for tidying up.


	16. 13

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

xiii.

Three months until she's in the States  
and only one more hour until graduation.  
Yet they are both stuck in the worse traffic jam that could ever happen  
with the mixture of pop and alternative rock from Andrew's phone.

' _Come the fuck on!'_ he yelled before moving Courtney's hands to push on the horn.  
Her hands reach to hold his together, _'calm down, we'll get there.'_

' _I hope to fuck we do. I did not wake up early to face this.'_  
He leant his head against her shoulder.  
 _'Although I did not mind watching you do your make up today.'_ He complimented.  
A kiss pressed to her cheek.

' _And this makeup does not deserve to be wrecked, thank you.'_ She muttered.

Hopefully this won't go on for too longer.  
Because the last thing he wants is to not be there for graduation.

But especially for Courtney's sake.  
Although it wasn't a huge deal to him whatever he got it was mainly about Courtney's speech  
and finally having her get the recognition for her work in the academy  
that she deserved since he first met her.

' _Hey Courtney.'_  
A deep sigh from her lips, _'Yes, Andrew, my humble love?'_  
He looked over to her for a moment, a soft chuckle at the previous statement,  
while taking in the time that they have for themselves before everything got crazy.  
Before life will start to be different once more.

' _I know that I don't say this enough but you are an excellent role model to everyone,'_  
he let out a soft cough,  
nerves kicking in.  
 _'and you are so generous and kind and so understanding of everyone.'_  
she looked over to him,  
a fond smile.  
 _'and I honestly do adore you and your presence in my life, Court. I don't want you to leave my life yet.'_

Her words although not spoken, were instantly there in a squeeze of their hands.  
 _'I never will.'_


	17. 14

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

xiv.

One month until she's out of his life  
but this got to be the biggest moment of his life with her,  
meeting her parents.  
In the country that she was born.

Honestly it was some form of a miracle from his Mum  
and her parents also to come here.  
They thought of it being a 'graduation present'.  
One hell of a present.

' _So, this is the Sydney Opera House.'_ Courtney beamed, hand tugging him along  
 _'and that's the Harbor Bridge, we can climb that if you want!'_  
He let out a chuckle, _'I'd rather climb you.'_  
She hit him lightly on his shoulder, _'shut up.'_

Travelling hasn't always been his biggest passion  
but when it came to seeing where she came from,  
her family,  
supporting her.  
He's just one hundred percent for it.

' _Come here.'_ He says,  
forming her hand to be half a heart with his  
as he got his phone out.  
Lining it against the flag swaying near the Opera House  
he took it with a smile on his face.  
 _'Now we really are connected.'_

' _You're so fucking cheesy, Mister Brady.'_ She commented,  
her eyes lingered to the signs of the 'Yes' vote.  
his eyes following her movement.  
 _'Not as cheesy as you, Miss Jenek.'_

His hand now pulling her face in close  
a gently kiss before he whispered,  
 _'You are incredible.'_


	18. 15 (part 01 of 04)

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

xv. ( i of iv )

The morning of the day she leaves  
he's been dreading this day ever since she first told him.  
The moment that they their own dream  
while he was stuck in a University close to home  
for god damn business.

But they had to do it at some point in their lives  
he just didn't want it to be right now.

He let himself move his body from the bed  
eyes wondered to Courtney carefully packing her things with gentle fingers  
and a face that hid so much to how she was feeling.

He moved over to where she was sitting,  
a small kiss placed to the side of her head  
before helping with the larger items to pack.


	19. 15 (part 02 of 04)

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

xv. ( ii of iv )

' _Does Courtney have everything, Andrew?'_ his mother asked,  
Andrew currently in a frenzy about his keys  
not sure about everything.  
Freaking the fuck out.

' _Yes. I do have everything but thank you.'_ Courtney responded,  
her smile almost plastered onto her face to hide anything.  
She gives him his keys before letting herself hug his mother tight.  
 _'Thank you for everything in these past years, it means a lot.'_

He moved out of the room to the hallways  
before he overheard; _'No need to thank me. I should be thanking you._ ' From his mother.  
 _'You bloody made him a changed man and he adores the absolute life out of you, Courtney.'_

Well he couldn't deny that.

' _I think he always had that in him,'_ He heard Courtney respond  
his heart possibly growing two sizes.  
 _'he just needed to prove it to himself and I hope people around him can see how amazing he is.'  
_ He leaned his head against the door frame.

' _And I hope that everyone can appreciate all the parts of him that I do.'_


	20. 15 (part 03 of 04)

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

xv. ( iii of iv )

When thinking about their years together  
all the memories that they shared throughout countless mornings  
into restless evenings  
nothing could honestly compare to their car rides.

Each one was completely different from the rest  
yet they still felt like an adventure.  
Whether it was to the shops at three o'clock in the morning for cheap alcohol,  
or long travels to central.

He remembers them over anything else.

But this one  
he knew this one wouldn't be the happiest.  
At least they aren't fighting, and it was nerves about leaving each other.

The music was blaring  
but he didn't mind.  
Anything to distract them both.

' _So, you'll be glad to get away from this cloudy weather and to the palm trees, huh?'_  
He noticed a little chuckle.  
 _'Just wish I could come with you, mate.'_

She let the music go down,  
slight tears in her eyes.  
 _'If only you could, honey.'_ She answered.


	21. 15 (part 04 of 04)

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

xv. ( iv of iv )

Luggage towed out.  
A long wait.  
Their arms holding each other closely.  
Not letting go.

The call for her flight comes,  
he fears of letting go.  
 _'Love you.'_ He whispered as he pulls away.

She walks away for a while.  
Until she races right back into his arms one last time.  
 _'I love you.'_ She says, trying to hold back tears.  
 _'I love you too.'_

And just like that,  
 _he didn't hold her anymore._


	22. epilogue

'to hold her.' – narrative poetry.

epilogue.

He never thought throughout the year  
he can finally get this moment.  
From the long skype calls,  
to occasional small gifts in the mail.  
Getting to see her again is amazing.

But getting to be transferred over to her University  
well, that was a blessing.

As he arrived at her apartment  
his emotions started to flood back,  
all the nervous feelings travelled throughout his body  
until he saw

 _Her._

' _Andrew?'_ the first words he heard before letting his arms spread out.  
Her instantly falling into them. _'Jesus Christ, I can't believe it.'_

' _I can't believe it either.'_ He let out  
his body sinking into hers as they held each other.

The only thing he really wanted to do.


End file.
